So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
