I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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