Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
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I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
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I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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