The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I can't put those talents on a resume
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
How naked do you want me to be?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize