im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
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I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
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A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
My vagina is very pro this idea
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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