i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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