I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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