He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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