my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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