Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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