My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
