My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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