it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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