Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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