he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
