I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
