btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
