why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
