he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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