Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
