Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Randomize
