Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
i've created a new STD.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize