We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
