omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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