Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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