well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
