Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
this must be what syphilis tastes like
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
