the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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