dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize