I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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