Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
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He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
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I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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