when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
You are the jesus of drinking
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
