living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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