I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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