i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
