I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
