i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
