evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
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