I feel like I'm in dance class right now
kristin has been a bad kristin
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
i believe in u and ur pee
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
