she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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