i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
