$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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