Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
