it's too hot outside to masturbate.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
My feet surprised me
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