My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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