my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
