drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
