i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
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a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
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I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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