The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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