"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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