do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
