I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
