he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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