Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I didn't shave. On purpose
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
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