this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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