Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
