my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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