After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Randomize