You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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