I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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