Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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