i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
