Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
