just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
