my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
