We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
