Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
