But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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