The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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