The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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