I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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