Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
