True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
