Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize