Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
