I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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